The truth of the matter is …
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There are moments when I hate you for no apparent reason. When I need to remember why I love you. I need to surge my heart back to the life it has when that facebook notification came through. When after almost five months of being in one another’s lives you still spell my name Nolwaze instead of Nolwazi.
When every Pedi word you say to me needs to be repeated a thousand times in my head and its meaning and context dissected . When you tell me you’re outside my gate after a day specially wrapped and delivered from hell, and you smile that beautiful smile that takes whatever is happening in my head – on my shoulders – and immerses it in joy.
I have to remember how much more beautiful music is when I listen to it with you. These moments when a picture of a first experience is needed to see me through this one. I need to take myself back the days we first started talking . I need to flick my nose to remember your scent. The way you smelt the first time you mustered up the courage to give me a hug.
Our first “date” in your car.
I need to take myself from this moment to the moment when you first kissed me that Saturday night. I need to take myself back to that moment when we first “met” on facebook that Monday morning and you said two words that would ring in my head all week.
These moments when I hate you are moments of beauty, because it is in these moments that I can remember why it is that I love you.